I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
