shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
