That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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