I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
