i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
