Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
