Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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