I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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