you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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