My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
