I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
