If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
