booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My ass is underappreciated
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
