im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
