i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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