New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
