Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
