Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
