The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
