NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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