Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
