I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
