In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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