she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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