you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
