Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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