need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
