I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
