Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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