I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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