I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
