I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
