Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
His nipple licking is glorious
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