Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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