You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
