any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
