i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
