yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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