I just saw a hot homeless man
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
