think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
