xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
