I think I won the penis lottery.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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