My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
