You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
