Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
