dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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