So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
