Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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