shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
