I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
